I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
