youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
