David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
