Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
4 words: hood of his car
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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