I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
