HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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