my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
