Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
