What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
