Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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