just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
