I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
