She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize