I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize