at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
