so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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