just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this just has baby written all over it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just gargled with NyQuil
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
