barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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