Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
