I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
