i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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