Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
