smell my finger.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Houston, we have a blender
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
