Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
