is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
