Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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