yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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