Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
