someone threw a dead crab at me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize