When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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