I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
