My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
