be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
