That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize