a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
