Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize