ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
