Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found the puke drawer
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
