I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize