Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
