I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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