I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize