She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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