Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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