ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
