Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
