I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
