Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
