I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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