we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
