I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
