I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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