im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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