My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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