you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
