She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
