My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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