Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
