How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
