I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
