Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
