I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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