have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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