it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
