you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
