alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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