it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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