Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
