I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize