God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
