Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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