Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
