if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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