There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
