I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
