this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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