just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
