Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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