I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
