There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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