my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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