i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
