you would pick up someone in the library
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Couch. On fire.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
