Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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