You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
