I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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