So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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