i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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