He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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