Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drake has all the answers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
