my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
