if i can run in heels then i can drive
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
