ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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