If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
