I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
