I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
