Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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