we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
