Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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