My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
