why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
