apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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