what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
