Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
