so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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