so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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