I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
