i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
