The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
